Q: I would like to know how come when I am with any man --I cannot have an orgasm through intercourse or by him stimulating me. I can only have one by touching myself when I am alone. I never had an orgasm with a man during oral sex or anyway. I only had one through masturbation and partner sometimes watching.

Ans: Usually the culprit is the circumstances, or anxiety; it may be the inappropriate position or technic. It may be the partner who orgasms before you do. Not withstanding all these, it is clear that you are capable of orgasms.

If you are able to reach climax in some instances but not in the other it is what we call 'situational'. Compare both situations and note the differences between them in each possible area - your sorroundings, method of stimulation, the type and intensity of feelings aroused in each situation, fantasies, your level of comfort/discomfort, or anxiety in either situation, what exactly goes on in your head when you are participating in sex with partner, your feelings about your or his attractiveness etc.,

These observations will help you identify what's holding you from reaching orgasm. By bridging the gaps you can overcome the problem. For ex., if you are anxious or tense in the presence of a partner or if you do not have the same leisure and comfort as you would have in your solitary experiences - work out ways to eliminate these factors.

Try different coital positions. Some are capable of giving orgasm to women faster, for ex., woman-on-top, with the partner stimulating her clitoris.

Communicate with your partner about what and how you would like him to do to take you to orgasm. You can do so verbally or by guiding his movements to your advantage.

 

 

 

 

 

Q: I know of an eight year old girl that has tried to engage in different sexual acts. I am concerned, as I feel that, at that age, children should not be trying to explore sexuality. My question is, should the parents get professional help for this child? One thing is to imitate something seen on a TV show or movie, but this child has attempted to engage in sexual acts with several different children. The parents don't seem to acknowledge or want to believe that this could be a problem. I certainly don't want my children around this particular child, knowing what she has done and the type of little games she likes to play. I as parent, want to know, if something like this is happening with my child, should I seek professional help for my child. I really don't know if this kid has been molested, frankly, I don't think so. I strongly believe that she has been exposed to some type of visual contact or has heard conversations from other adults. Please advise.

Ans: You do not say what sexual acts the girl you mention is doing. The child's sexual expression begins as early as the first year and takes different forms with age. Children often hug, cuddle, kiss, climb on top of one another., lock each other's genitals, play doctor, play Mom & Dad and the like till about 8 or 9 years of age.

By about this time many children become aware of sexual arousal, erotic sensation and will seek pleasurable experiences such as self stimulation, touching others' genitals etc. This is a normal part of psychosexual development, although most parents are concerned, embarrassed and attempt to inhibit these activities.

We do not mean that expressions of sexuality should go unguided. Parents should begin to talk about their personal values at this time, and teach children what is appropriate and what is not.

In the case of a child such as the one you refer to, whose behaviour appears to be beyond the limits of what is normally observed, consulting a children's counsellor can certainly help. The counsellor can help sort out if the behavior is normal, if not, which of many possible issues are involved and help the parent deal with it. He will find why the child is behaving in a certain way and would also suggest him/her better ways to express affection, curiosity or sexual feelings.

If nothing unsual is involved, the consultation will bring reassurance.

Q: My wife and I have two differant sex drives, I want it twice a day and she wants it maybe once a week. we have two small children and I try to help out the best I can. I tell her how sexy she is and how much I love her and how much I love making love to her. But she just doesn't want to do it, if she does do it it's usually "well lets go I have to do this or I want to go to bed". And if I suggest to her something different she says 'do we have to' or 'not tonight' 'how about another night', but another night never comes.

She has no adventure with sex. If we are driving somewhere and I suggest she flash me she won't, even though we are alone and no one could see. She has never surprised me when I come home, like waiting for me naked or with a new outfit on. She refuses to satisfy my sexual fantasies, even though I offer to satisfy hers. She just lacks any sexual motivation to do anything to spice up our sex life. I have talked to her over and over and she says she 'll change but it never happens. I don't know what to do.

I love her so much ,but it kills me that she doesn't want me as much as I want her and that she cares so little for my sexual fantasies, not even to attempt them. Mind you, nothing is humilating to her. I juut want spice and fun and total sexual openess between us. We have been married 8 years and have been together 12 years. I never have cheated on her and I don't want to, but I'm at the end of my rope.

Is there anything else I can do before its to late and or the relationship is damaged beyond repair.

Ans: A lot of couples complain about unequal levels of sexual desire, so you are not alone. Problem of sexual desire or desire discrepancy cannot be evaluated or solved through mails because we have more questions than answers; For ex., since how long do you experience this discrepancy? Does she enjoy sex when she participates? How frequently or infrequently she initiates sex? Which part of sexual activity (foreplay through after play) she enjoys most? What was her past sex life like? What about her sexual self esteem? What are her feelings about your physical appearance, sex technique, communication skills, care and affection? Is she no longer interested in sex? Has the sex life become stale?

Is she suffering from a physical, medical or psychological condition? Has she been taking any prescription drugs or recreation drugs? Is she a smoker, or an alcoholic? Are there changes in her general health, say, after pregnancy and child birth? Are there any hormone changes in her body? What are the levels of stress and strain in her domestic and/or occupational duties.

Many such questions need be answered.

A sex therapist could help you indentify the causes of your problem by asking these and other questions. Many of these difficulties can be overcame with only a few therapy sessions, so it is worth finding professional help.

Q: Can a person become father with single testis?

Ans: Yes, if that testicle is producing enough, fertile spermatozoa. Many such males have become happy fathers.

Q: What is blue balls? Why does it happen? Is it harmful? Is it peculiar to men only?

Ans: It commonly refers to the aching or discomfort in testes caused by prolonged sexual arousal without relief through ejaculation or orgasm. (This slang term is sometimes used to mean gonorrhea.) Women also experience a similar condition in their vulvas. For both sexes, the cause is the accumulation of blood in the pelvic and genital area, which is a normal part of the sexual arousal. The symptoms of this "vasocongestion" are quickly relieved by orgasm. Or it slowly subsides when further sexual stimulation is stopped. This temporary condition is not known to be harmful. It does not occur in all men nor at all times in the same men.

Q: Me and my boy friend have been going out for almost 8 months ... I've given him head 3 times n a hand job like a billion but I just cann't get him to cum...is there a reason for this...???

Ans : It is possible that the stimulation you’ve been giving him is not sufficient, nor the right kind to bring him to orgasm; or simply he is not comfortable with the whole procedure, or sorroundings; is anxious; or has been on some prescription drugs that can affect the sexual response. Usually the circumstances. Some men are not comfortable when their women partners take the lead role. Some are anxious type; For some, the circumstances cause anxiety. Some have intrapsychic conflicts. These and such other factors are possible causes for a man’s inability to reach climax during sexual stimulation. Exactly what applies to your boy friend cannot be determined without an interview with him. Ascertain whether he had reached orgasms earlier either through masturbation or partner sex. If he had any, then you need not be apprehensive. Allow him some more time and participate in an anxiety-free circumstances (letting him choose the time, place, method and pace. If you were taking the initiative in sex earlier, let me him start it now & vice versa.

Q : Why does it feel like I have to urinate before I orgasm ?

Ans : The urethra (urinary opening) and the bladder in a woman are located where they can receive direct penile pressure in some intercourse positions. This makes some women feel like they have to urinate during sex. In others, the reason could be an infection in the urinary tract.

In older women and in those who have had vaginal deliveries, the pelvic muscles or pelvic nerves undergo changes leading to release of urine during sex.

Try changing positions during intercourse; emptying the blader before sex can help. Do exercises to strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor. These exercises are known as Kegel’s exercises, after Dr. A.H. Kegel who developed them in the 1940’s to improve the tone of pelvic floor muscles.