Sexual Counselling

Start-up Trouble

A 22 yr. old male writes from US:

Q

Hello, I am 22 and consider myself healthy and in shape. I have a problem which I don’t think is common. Whenever I am about to have sex with somebody for the first time I can’t get an erection. After about a couple of hours or 2-3 days of trying to have an erection I have no problem at all maintaining an erection. The strange thing is that I don’t feel anxious or nervous whenever I am about to have sex with that person for the first time. I have been in a relationship and after I get an erection for that first time I have no problem whatsoever afterwards. Whenever I am by myself I could have an erection with no problem. Thank you for your time and for answering this question which has been haunting me for quite a while.

A:
Don’t give a thought to it. Many guys experience this. At your age this is a kind of starting trouble. Even if you are not anxious, there are other factors that create a brief mental block interfering with erection, for ex., newness (new place, new atmosphere, or new person) or innate urge to impress/please the partner. You also need to get closer to her emotionally before your penis listens to you.
An analogy could probably help. Even if you are an experienced car driver, the first time you drive another car, you will awkward for a while. After an hour or two or 1 or 2 stops, you feel fully at home with this new car. With a car, the experience is mostly physical. With sex it’s mostly psychological and emotional.

All the best
Poosha Darbha